Lost boys: Speak no evil

I wonder if you made it home
-heavy hearted-
rain just started
are you dancing in it yet?
I bet...

you weren't that brave.
And did your pirate ships
come home with it;
all that treasure?
Midnight til forever
Well, I never...

found out if you got arrested,
live behind bars now,
'spose you got there somehow.
Dying for you,
to tell me it's not true.

And did you ever
eat all that Nutella?
The world is small
and the stars are bright,
I look up and wait to see your light.

I guess you must have passed that test,
and every weekend is a holiday,
and still closure seems so far away
but I don't know
and you don't say.

I'll keep quiet
slow the riot
of thoughts that threaten to spill
over - oh, they will
soon, while you leave me wondering
always guessing;
a curse or blessing?
Only time will tell.

Even if you won't.

Time waits for no man. Or woman.

Sat at my kitchen table with a coffee from my coffee machine, thinking about the world at large, or the world at small, and what a crazy place it is. Time passes so quickly yet it seems like only yesterday that I was opening this blog, starting a career as a teacher and moving into a place of my own. Fast forward 4 years into the future, and here I am, a different person, a different career path, sat in a different house with my 4-years-ago-brand-new laptop sat broken in the next room. Well, at least it lead a long and happy life, right? (I mean, it got to travel the world with me and everything - pretty special right?)

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Epic, but there's one scene in particular that springs to mind. The tiny creatures of the woodland areas find themselves watching the seemingly clumsy movements of a human. To them, he's walking really slowly, his reactions to things going on all around him are well out of time, in slow motion, the words he's saying in that scary, deep, slow motion voice. This is supposed to be the reason why it seems impossible to swat a fly (or so I've heard, I try to avoid such things at all costs) To them, we are clumsily moving around in slow motion, and always reacting to their escape plans way out of time.

Remember when you were a kid? Chances are the summer holidays lasted forever, an endless stretch of days for bike riding, playing with friends, sharing stories, picnics and day trips to the seaside. Now, those of us who get a six week summer holiday watch on, horrified, as the six weeks slip through our fingers like dry sand. And, the rest of us who are lucky enough to get time off at summer, find that, again, it's gone in a flash.

Is time going faster? Since we've grown in height have we also changed our perception - our clumsy, slow motion movements speeding up? (Yes, okay, I know, I didn't grow all that much, just leave it alone would you?)

I don't know the answer. All I've learned is that time is precious -  today you have a million things to be thankful for. Life is short and no-one knows what the future holds so enjoying the present could not be more important. If I could go back in time to visit 22 year old me, I would tell her to enjoy the ride. Every moment is a blessing and one day you're gonna look back at teaching and travels and all the fun that ensued with nostalgic rose tinted glasses, and just wish you'd cherished it a bit more. Don't wait until that happens - appreciate life right now!

Exit Dreams

Felt inspired to write this after the poetry recital yesterday.  Really enjoyed hearing the other poems - such an honour to perform in the same category as the incredibly talented poets who made up the Over 25s.  Thanks to everyone for all your support: family, friends, colleagues - you have all been amazing.  I won a real enthusiasm for continuing with my writing and hope to perform some more in the future - that's the best kind of winning I know :)

I've forgotten what it feels like

to be the one

that you count on

for smiles and sun

So when the darkness appears

and my fun-filled head

rests in my bed

I feel real dread

I know the dreams are coming now

they always do

it's always you

I don't mean to

But my subconscious

is hearing voices

stupid noises

rest is pointless

What was that now?

It's telling me lies

that your heart is full of hate

I should learn not to wait

that my hands are tied by fate

But then last night

my subconscious

drowned those voices

oh, it got it right...

You were the same

and told me clearly

you cared for me dearly

and that you nearly

fell like others do.

But had to be honest,

it's not what you wanted,

and you just wondered

how I was and

wanted to say 'Hi',

then walk on by,

so satisfied.

And when I woke

I just knew it

we didn't fit

and the truth just unzipped:

confined

refined

an after thought

in your mind

but the centre

of mine

and that's not right.

So you did right.

So thanks for checking in

thanks for wandering

into my REM

and satisfying

my brain-

it's okay

and I'm not insane.

Voices are just voices

not reminiscent of bad choices

and now they're all choked up

because you just showed up

and said...

"I'm not the bee in your bonnet,

nor the words of your next sonnet

just the truth hiding in your closet -

don't pretend- you always knew it-

I was never what you wanted."

And that's honey to my ears:

exit dreams.