Screw Loose.

When I consider so many different aspects of who I am, most of it is a re-iteration of what already exists in the world. By that I mean, I'm nothing new. My opinions, beliefs, values and ideals are nothing revolutionary, nothing to blow your mind, freak you out when you hear what's going on in my mind. I am basically recycling the opinions and values of those who socialised me. And who are these people?

Well, look, I'm not going to go all sociological on you, and I feel no need to conduct a deep analysis from a social science angle, but let's just say that who I grew up with, who I hang out with and the things I hear/see/perceive all have some claim to the framework which I use to see the world. This doesn't particularly bother me in and of itself, I mean, that's the beauty in a way, the fact that we're all sort of joined together by an invisible web which underpins society. People look through different parts of the web, but I guarantee you, it is the same web.

The part that bothers me is how many of the values that I have been socialised to believe, without even being aware, are ridiculous when I examine them. And most of them, sexist.

Now I wouldn't call myself a feminist by any stretch of the imagination, mainly because I am probably one of the worst offenders when it comes to sexism, but now that I have discovered the pins which my values pivot upon, I have the urge to take them out. But they're well screwed on.

An example, let's see. My friend opened a bottle I wasn't strong enough to - I gave him 'man points'. I tell people to 'man up'. I find the phrase 'house husband' strange. If I see anything with more than 2 legs in the house I assume I need a man to come and kill said mini-beast...I could go on.

I don't think I could really pin point at what point I latched onto these phraseologies and values, but I don't like that they're there. I want to be free to be who I am, with or without a man, but similarly, it works the other way, men are just as free to be who they are, whether they are afraid of spiders, or can never get the lid of the jar of olives. Is it getting silly to want to ditch vocabulary like 'man up'? I don't know. I think I more want to make it known that I as a woman can man up. Women can be courageous, and strong, and provide for their own. A women is not limited to simply be the things this society say she should be. Nor is a man.

This is really just an organisation of my thoughts over the past couple of years, I'm not really coming to any hard and fast conclusions. All I know is I like being feminine, I like being a woman, and I'll never be able to get rid of spider with my bare hands... but that doesn't mean I'm not strong.