Born This Way

So, I was just watching the Glee 'Born this Way' episode and got totally inspired for a blog post. You see it's funny what people remember about you isn't it? I don't know what people remember about me after they've met me, but thinking about all the people I know, certain things stand out. Sometimes it's what someone has done, sometimes the way someone looks, sometimes it's a positive thing, sometimes it's a negative thing.

Take my best friend for example. I have made it no secret that the first thing I thought when I met her was 'how come I know someone so beautiful?' There's something very wrong with that sentence, and it isn't my appraisal of her looks...it's just the fact that I thought there was some link between being aesthetically pleasing to the eye and social circles. When I analyse my first impression of her, what it comes down to is that she is gorgeous and I thought 'hey, this is breaking the mould, I'm usually way down in the social pile, I never know someone like this'.

Hmmm, well that's just not true. I can't think of one of my friends who isn't stunning. And I mean on the outside. So, where did this stereotype come from exactly? And why is my subconscious buying into it?

Another thing that was brought to my mind whilst considering this episode of Glee was, evidently, inner beauty. Because we're told that's what is the most important. And we're told that looks are nothing, are worthless. (It's sort of a conflicting message though when we see the perfectly formed, air-brushed celebrities on the other side of the camera. How does my subconscious war against that?) Inner beauty can't be bought and it's never a 'quick fix'. That's why it's the most difficult sort of beauty. The Glee clubbers were encouraged to boast their 'warts and all' on a plain white tee-shirt, but few were boasting flaws in their inner beauty. Kurt 'likes boys' whilst Finn 'can't dance' and Emma has 'OCD'. None of these things are their fault. But are they necessarily the things that stand out about these people?

I mean, there are people I know, for example, who I primarily remember for what they have done wrong. That's a stupid thing to remember about somebody...but it sticks in your head, doesn't it? Even though what was done was ages ago, even though the past is the past, and even though since then said person has proved to be truly beautiful on the inside...it's not forgotten.

That made me reflect on myself and my inner beauty (or lack thereof) What will I be remembered for? 'Cause if someone else was writing my tee-shirt they might plaster the slogan 'vain' or 'loud' or 'selfish' across the front, and I would have to be accountable for that. And if I were to reflect who I truly am on the inside, for every perfect part of my body there would be at least 2 eye sores to behold. I'm not sure I am beautiful on the inside, so even though I complain about the way I look as I am, I feel like I might be more ugly if my looks reflected my personality.

There's loads of things I do like about myself. I'm a positive person, and I smile a lot. And I have a moral compass, which I can generally rely on to show me where to go. But I'm a work in progress. I'm not sure if I was born this way but, who I am now isn't necessarily how I want to stay for the rest of my life. I want to be less self-absorbed, to speak out more against injustice, and to use my moral compass more widely - not just to decide what not to do, but what I should do as well.

Loving someone on the inside is about accepting someone for all their flaws, because nobody is perfect. Accepting someone for who they have been, who they are now and where they want to go. Accepting things which can't be changed about them, and things which are works in progress. The time I felt the most beautiful on the outside was when I was told all the time how beautiful I was. This suggests to me that beauty is about feeling valued. All humans have value simply because they are human. But more than that, because all humans, as humans, have value for someone else because they are who they are.

You see, I might not be totally happy with my inner beauty at the moment, but I know someone values me for being me. I know it when someone says 'thank-you' for my advice or just for talking to them when they needed a chat. And even when I mess up I know I am valued for being me because God accepts me for who I am; the best parts, the worst parts, knowing who I've been, who I am, and where I want to be. And everyday I pray for the vision to know where He wants me to be, who He wants me to be, because who better to help me address my 'inner beauty' than the Source of Beauty itself?

I think if I had a tee-shirt a la Glee it would say 'Under 5ft'. I'd rather people remembered me like that than for all the mistakes I've made.