I look on you with envy
as you laugh with your friends
at a beer garden, freezing,
as the rain descends.
I know you won’t strip bare
when you get back home,
throw clothes in the washer,
shower, scrub, once alone.
I know your hand won’t feel dirty
when it touches that glass,
your lips uncontaminated
as your mind rests on what’s passed.
All the memories unmade,
maybe the job you’ve lost too-
things have been hard-
relief too good to be true.
And I know you deserve it
but what causes me pain
is I also feel that I’ve earned it...
but when will I do this again?
When will I stand next to you
and not feel in distress,
almost feeling germs land on me
with each exhale of your breath?
When will I hop on a bus
and feel completely at ease
sitting next to another,
windows closed, not a breeze?
When will I walk once more
through a busy high street,
happy, close to so many,
a hop and skip in my feet?
When will I sing again
and when will I dance
at a busy club, pub or party?
Oh if only I’d chance!
My life stripped away
to its very bare bones,
I sit here and wonder
how to undo everything I’ve known
for over a year,
spent learning new habits,
fighting with my mind
yet I’ve still to fathom it.
When the government announces
“the end of restrictions”
(I’ve burned for this moment
that I almost thought fiction)
how do I recover as swiftly as you?
I know I need to start ahead of time
but I don’t have a clue!
It’s going to take months
and I’m going to frustrate you,
look on me with patience,
it’s now that I need you.
I’m still that social butterfly,
but wilting inside,
locked in a cocoon,
I’ve regressed over time.
But I’m itching to get back
to a busy, packed social life,
to plan my big wedding,
start the next chapter as a wife.
What was Once Classed as Daily
is now Obviously a Cause of Discomfort,
and me and my Oh Could Do
Oh would do
Oh long to!
Oh once knew!
Will dance together
forever,
until One Clear Day
when I teach him the steps.
But until then...
I look on you with envy.
