What if I'm not where I'm meant to be?
What if I've veered off course?
What if I did the wrong thing
and am moving away from the Source?
How could I be so stupid?
What on earth am I going to do next?
I can't make sense of my feelings;
I'm stressed, at a loss, and I'm vexed.
So I stand up
and I sit down
and I stand up
and I pace round,
and then I catch sight of my reflection
and my thoughts are consumed by a barrage of questions:-
What if my skin is melting off my body?
(Bizarre, who's ever thought that before?)
What if my body is carrot shaped?
(Okay, seriously, will you think less weird thoughts, I implore?)
Why do my arms have those bumps on them?
(Everyone knows
that they're just your elbows!)
Why am I asking all these questions?
(It's where your mind goes
when it's left on its own.)
So I sit down
and I stand up
and I pace a little bit.
My mind is everywhere
all at once
and won't put a sock in it!
Impatient for answers,
I'd dance, but my back hurts,
but why does my back hurt?
I'm only 31, not 41,
but hang on,
where's the time gone?
It doesn't seem that long ago
that I was 2-0
and now it's 2-0-1-9
and it doesn't feel fine
and I remember the time
my mum promised a line
of men at my door,
eager to snap up
the opportunity
to be with me
but, wait a sec, I don't see how that could add up
because no-one wants to date you when you look like a carrot!
So I sit down again -
why's this now about men?
Who cares about them?
'What if-' this,
'What if-' that,
you can do so much better than that!
Didn't a wise person once say,
"Any question that starts with 'what if' is a stupid one."?
- wasn't that you just the other day?
Your mind's like a ship
that's gone adrift
and if I may quote Taylor Swift,
"You need to calm down"
breathe in, and breathe out.
Whenever in doubt;
when you don't know,
remember you know
the One who knows.
He won't leave you behind
or stuck in your mind,
drop your burden at His feet
and know you are complete,
strengthened in His presence,
even when feeling weak,
(even when you spent all night laying awake
worrying that you might be carrot shaped!)
Just don't ever give up
because God is your compass,
lighting your way
so you won't go astray,
and never live in fear of making a mistake,
because if God is for you, then what can come against?
So, whether you really did miss your cue,
or anxiety is just tormenting you,
you can breathe a sigh of relief - phew! -
because God will never leave you, nor forsake you.
PS If you really are carrot shaped then God made you like that, so don't worry about it! :)
