I waited and waited, what seemed like an age,
hoping for some inspiration to appear,
but nope, it looks like nothing’s here.
But I have to write something
because that’s my thing!
And if I don’t have that...what do I have?
I stayed committed to my role the night through,
because I guess that’s what I feel I must do;
music and disco lights call me to the floor,
I’m pulling shapes I never knew I had before!
But I have to dance continuously, no break in my swing,
because that’s who I am, and that’s my whole thing!
And if I don’t have that...what do I have?
I couldn’t change one thing about me physically,
because this is exactly the height l ought to be -
even if I wanted to know how it felt to be tall,
to never need an alteration for my dress to the ball
(I’ll be honest, I’m still waiting for my invite)
I know a growth spurt just wouldn’t feel right!
Because I’m small and that’s my thing,
and if I don’t have that, do I have anything?
I thought I had this whole thing worked out,
I knew what my thing was without one shred of doubt,
but then I kept adding,
and then I kept changing,
and did you know that you can’t stop this ageing?
And so before I knew where I was
I had more ‘things’ than I thought anyone could.
I make up sayings like “barrel of confusion”
or spend my whole life misusing them,
so “more money than you can shake a stick at”
becomes “that’s a lot of pennies I wouldn’t shake a stick at”.
Or apparently my other thing is making friends,
or being the one who just can’t shut up on the train.
I’m the one who made a musical,
the one who’s always singing,
the one with a project,
the one who lives for living,
the one who signs off her messages with ten thousand kisses,
the one who doesn’t know what the problem with this is.
The one who loves Prince,
the one who loves Troye,
the one who loves a mike,
and I don’t mean a boy!
The one who’s too comfortable in front of a camera,
the one dreaming of a podcast where she is the anchor.
So I guess those are my things,
but if I don’t have all those, do I have anything?
Well, I’m pretty sure that list will get longer,
as time passes and as I get older,
I’m also completely convinced things will fall off,
and others will move so they’re right at the top.
But none of these things are really my thing,
because none of them really mean anything;
they don’t claim my identity
because that’s centred in Christ,
and He started changing me when He saved my life!
Whatever I think I am is fluid and free
because God’s making me who He created me to be.
He’s making me wise enough to know it’s a mistake
to spend all night on the dance floor without a pee break
(and yes, I can guess what you’re thinking, “That wasn’t obvious before?” - just let that sink in).
He’s making me wise enough to know a blank page
isn’t the end of all my writing days,
directing my projects,
leading me by the hand,
as I move and groove my way towards
being exactly who I am.
And so I can live not knowing what my thing is
because I know who I am, if I know who He is!
