Something’s snapped
Or I’m broken
Or something like that
But whatever it is
I really don’t like it
So frightened
In the silence
Of the woolly-headed moment.
And I try to make sense
Of the the feeling
Maybe I’m just dreaming?
My heart is still chasing
My stomach to the ceiling
And why am I so hot
But so inconsolably freezing?
I feel so sick
Right to the pit
to depths I dare not believe in.
And it’s 2am.
I think of family and friends.
Right now they’re sleeping
And blissfully keeping
company of safe bets
Or pillows anyway
Just breathing.
So why can’t I breathe in?
Why is my stomach so sore,
My mental state so poor?
As my hands reach the door,
I’m shaking,
dizzy,
could be crawling on the floor....
And tomorrow morning I’ll get up
And I’ll just go to work
Like I didn’t spend an hour
In the middle of the night
Trying to get my breath back alright
And no-one will know how hard I had to fight.
Or maybe I won’t make it in
Because I need to take a day
To make things okay
And I will get there,
I’m strengthened by Christ
And I’m not giving in.
And that doesn’t make me weak
Or less able than others
And I’m not going to hide
Or keep this undercover
Because life might not be pretty or perfect all the time,
But I’m making it through,
With my Father by my side.
And maybe there are others who
Might become frustrated
By my limitations
Or the notion I’m faking,
Perceived liberties I’m taking
But they don’t know the power I’ve received
From the One in Whom I believe
Or the strength that it takes sometimes just to BREATHE.
And I know this isn’t new
And that there are things that loom
Over friends and others, impending doom
Hanging overhead
Like dread
Or a dead
Weight on your heart
A pressure you can’t measure pulling you apart.
So for all those fighting the good fight
In the middle of the night
At 2am in a hotel room
Or at lunchtime in the office loo
It’s okay to not be okay
We all have those days
So why worry about what others might say?
You keep on living
No matter how much effort each breath takes.
And I got your back,
Because, as a matter of fact,
You’re not broken,
Just coping,
With invisible cracks.
