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Sunday, 11 November 2018

The Cape

Today it's dress up day;
I'm wearing a cardigan that swooshes like a cape
so today, when I know how much it will ache
I wear my cardigan like it's a cape.

Emergency beards from Amazon
have got nothing on tonight's disguise.
Today when I know my face won't tell you lies,
I wear my capedigan, and take to the skies.

I put on the funkiest tune that I own
and the cape dances with me as I swoosh round my home.
I know later that I'll have to look you in the face,
but for now, I'm twirling around in my cape.

Darkness falls as the sun bids farewell,
and my heart is void of feelings of hate-
they belong to yesterday, but I don't want to be late,
so I leave the house, coat on over my cape.

And when I step inside that familiar place,
I'll take off my coat and show off my cape.
I'll be warm and cosy, and won't have to hide,
and no-one will know how hard I had to fight.

Today's a new day,
the first day,
where it begins.
It's only a cardi -
it won't give me wings,
but if it helps me smile as I swoosh into view
then swooshing is exactly what I'm gonna do!

Inevitably I'll discover the cape is a patch,
it won't fix my problem – the feeling will pass.
I want more than an add-on; an update to an app,
I need real confidence and stability that lasts.

So I look to my heavenly Father above,
I seek His presence and knowledge of His love,
my Lord looks at me and sees beyond my cape
and yet He still loves me and shows me His grace.

Finally I see where my real strength resides,
I'm no superhero, yet I know it's inside,
because I'm infused with the inner strength of Christ,
so I take off my cape and step into the Light.

Today it's dress up day;
I'm wearing a cardigan that swooshes like a cape.
But it's late, and I'm tired of bearing the weight
so I lean on my Father and leave off my cape.

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

A Story for Their Grandkids

This is the story they'll tell their Grandkids,
so honest and genuine, no need to convince.
The wholly credible,
utterly incredible
post-modern
pre-Tinder,
pre-kinder,
post-Cinder-ella
today's rags to riches
moving a mile when they aimed for inches.

Rose now calls this, “The best summer of her life”
you can see why, now married, content and a wife,
and it all started outside of a pub,
you'll be pleased to know, not where she met her hub.
I was fresh back from a winter abroad,
of hearing those stories, Rose was well bored -
I suppose I must admit there's only so long
'This one time in Poland' stories can go on-
anyway, where was I? Oh yes!
Outside of a pub in Guisborough I guess.
And we were walking,
and talking,
about the big and the small,
and the wild, and the wonderful,
about life and high walls
that confine and restrict
your ability to fly,
and Rose felt closed up and just, “Whyyyyyy?”

And that girl had dreams of touring the world,
with a brand of music; fresh and yet heard,
and I felt the sigh of her heart as she said,
“I just need a sign for what I'm to do next.”
Well I was feeling super wise-
I guess I'd learned from my travels, or something, I surmise,
so I turned to my little sister, utterly perplexed,
“You don't need a sign, just do it!” I said.
“Do you expect a placard to fall from the sky,
to hit you so hard that you can't deny,
the next move that you need to make?
You'll know what to do with the next step you take!”

At this moment I noticed a sign myself,
you'd think I'd have seen it before, but that can't be helped,
and I read it aloud, “Open Mic every Wednesday...
Rose you should go in and ask if you can play!”
Well you wouldn't believe the pushing she needed,
but I waited outside as my advice she heeded,
and later I found out that her eyes were greeted
with a sign reading, you wouldn't believe it,
“If you were waiting for a sign, this is it.”
And so those words on the interior of a pub,
were revelation to her, and - spoiler alert- led to true love.

The next Wednesday Rose was trembling with nerves,
but I vowed that I would go along with her,
and that was the best decision we ever made,
because after that day, ever Wednesday we played
a set of three songs, two originals, one cover;
we came alive on that stage, who needed a lover?

Well...actually, we can't have been doing that very long
when Rose heard word from Dan that he wanted to come along.
This was out of the ordinary! I mean, we'd last heard from,
who we'd always referred to by his full name 'Daniel Skillcorn',
when we were both still at school,
well college for me, but still,
what could have fuelled,
this sudden interest in performing on stage,
when we hadn't seen the lad for an age?

So the next Wednesday we arrived at The Ship
and who had arrived before us, you guessed it, Dan did.
Well, funny, he never did go up and sing,
but that didn't matter to Rose since she was falling.
She continued to go to Open Mic alone,
when I was away travelling in the land of Home
and Away and Neighbours and all that,
it seemed that Dan did too because when I came back
from all of my exciting adventures in Aus
I got a scoop of the most delicious goss -
that Rose and Dan had got together,
while I'd been sunning myself in much better weather.

It transpired that Rose had refused his insistence
to meet for coffee, but that boy had persistence,
and he'd invited her on a trip to the Baltic,
'Milnosh is coming!' the truth he pole-vaulted,
later having to ask him to come,
when it seemed that Dan's convincing had won,
and Rose agreed to go,
since Milnosh and Kirsty were going, you know.
Of course that's why they're probably the only couple
in the whole world who have a photo
of them out together on their very first date
thanks to the company provided by Dan's very best mate.

So that, my dear friends,
isn't the end,
but where I leave off with this story,
because, as they say, the rest is history...
So here's to my inspirational little sister,
who's found herself a wonderful mister,
I'm so glad that I told you not to wait for a sign,
that you weren't passive waiting for the stars to align,
but you took that first baby step towards your destiny,
it's out there, so go and get it, it's meant to be!


Monday, 1 October 2018

Anxiety Vs the Truth

Mixed up view
of the world;
I know what is true
but it won’t fold
to the curve
of my mixed up thoughts
causing vision so blurred.

So I speak out loud to my body,
“It’s okay, all in hand
you just need to understand
it might feel this way
for a week or 10 days
but there’s nothing more to do
and I know what is true.”

But still, hands shake,
still, soul aches,
still, I lie awake.
Soon, the truth seems like lies
as I feel tears form at my eyes,
so what do I surmise?
I feel like 1 part Lady Macbeth
mixed with 2 parts, “Are you quite finished yet?”
with my “Out damned spot!” style of freaking out,
when I know the truth and it always comes out!

My favourite thing about the Truth is that it sets you free,
allows you to be who you really ought to be,
shows your mixed up brain
the thoughts it ought to contain,
breaks the toxic rhythm
of my body’s toxic symptoms,
brings things back into focus,
clearing my vision.

I know the Truth
so I cling to the Truth;
when it hurts,
at my worst,
when I can’t put myself first
‘cause the Truth always works,
I sing of the Truth!

I know the Truth,
so I speak the Truth,
proclaim the Truth,
own the Truth,
train my brain
to meditate
on Your Word
because the Truth always works!

I know the Truth
but do I really know it?
Is it revelation to me?
So I go over it again
and again
until the pain
in my brain
subsides
the hole
in my soul
is empty of lies
and the only thing that remains, besides,
is the Truth of Your Word
and Your Voice in my mind,
“I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”.

Sunday, 12 August 2018

The Revelation in Waiting

On God I am waiting;
Spirit-led risk taking -
sometimes it's prudent not to play it safe-
I am God's student, He shows me to wait.

In God I'm expecting
the fruits of this testing
to be a lesson learned not a minute too late
and blessings from a God who taught me to wait.

In God I am hoping -
the door's slightly opening:
emotions rise
and prick at my eyes
as I look to my God of earth, sea and skies -
the God of abundance and truth and love-
and as I look above
I realise
what it's all meant -
this encouragement-
God gives me a taste
to teach me to wait.

Tides of feelings subside,
let them slip, let them slide...
You're easily deceived
when in these you believe.
So set emotions aside
and when you look behind
you'll see the result of your faith
and why God taught you to wait.

On God I am waiting
whilst the steep climb I'm taking -
the narrowest way - shows me what the point is:
that a hope in God is never disappointed!
So whether God's teaching me patience
or just wants me stationed
here
so I'm near
to the God I revere,
and whether or not I receive
what it is I believe
God wants me to see
that it's Him that I need.
So when I stand on that hilltop, I hope the first thing I say
is, "Thank you Lord that you taught me to wait."

Friday, 20 April 2018

Invisible Cracks

Eyes shoot open
Something’s snapped
Or I’m broken 
Or something like that 
But whatever it is
I really don’t like it
So frightened
In the silence
Of the woolly-headed moment.
And I try to make sense
Of the the feeling
Maybe I’m just dreaming?
My heart is still chasing 
My stomach to the ceiling 
And why am I so hot
But so inconsolably freezing? 
I feel so sick
Right to the pit
to depths I dare not believe in.

And it’s 2am.
I think of family and friends.
Right now they’re sleeping
And blissfully keeping
company of safe bets
Or pillows anyway
Just breathing.
So why can’t I breathe in?
Why is my stomach so sore,
My mental state so poor?
As my hands reach the door,
I’m shaking,
dizzy,
could be crawling on the floor....

And tomorrow morning I’ll get up
And I’ll just go to work
Like I didn’t spend an hour
In the middle of the night
Trying to get my breath back alright
And no-one will know how hard I had to fight.
Or maybe I won’t make it in
Because I need to take a day
To make things okay
And I will get there,
I’m strengthened by Christ
And I’m not giving in.

And that doesn’t make me weak
Or less able than others
And I’m not going to hide
Or keep this undercover
Because life might not be pretty or perfect all the time,
But I’m making it through,
With my Father by my side.

And maybe there are others who 
Might become frustrated
By my limitations
Or the notion I’m faking,
Perceived liberties I’m taking
But they don’t know the power I’ve received
From the One in Whom I believe 
Or the strength that it takes sometimes just to BREATHE.

And I know this isn’t new 
And that there are things that loom
Over friends and others, impending doom
Hanging overhead
Like dread
Or a dead
Weight on your heart
A pressure you can’t measure pulling you apart.

So for all those fighting the good fight
In the middle of the night 
At 2am in a hotel room
Or at lunchtime in the office loo
It’s okay to not be okay
We all have those days 
So why worry about what others might say?
You keep on living
No matter how much effort each breath takes.
And I got your back,
Because, as a matter of fact,
You’re not broken,
Just coping,
With invisible cracks.