Today I feel like a little light-hearted post, so if you were looking for something philisophical or deep then I believe you are looking in the wrong place! For the readers that remain, indulge me whilst I try to get myself back from a Christmas-induced bout of writers' block which means my current book, which I've had open on my laptop for the entire day, remains untouched this month (year!...but it is only the 5th day of the year) I'm hoping inspiriation will hit me shortly (although hopefully not literally, as I'm in no mood to sport bruises) and I'll be optimistic and say it will come just at the right time, and not whilst I'm in a meeting at work, or on the bus, or anywhere else where I might not have the equipment necessary to deal with 'creative flow' (necessary equipment for creative flow: coffee, my laptop, Kylie's Greatest Hits on repeat)
Currently I am in the mood to rabbit on about not very much in a slightly witty tone, adding brackets where I see fit to ad lib for further comedy value (do you see what I mean?) but the problem is I'm writing a book which doesn't fit that tone at all, so I'm sort of left in a situation where I'm taken over by a want to write down something, but without anything interesting to talk about. As such, I decided to see if the Internet had any good ideas.
Ah, the Internet, such a big place for small people with ambitious dreams (i.e me) A little bit ludicrous too. There are a bunch of 'story generators' on there and 'blog idea creators' which randomly pluck 'interesting' subjects out of the air. I stumbled upon the latter and was instructed to write a blog on subject of the Nintendo 64 Vs the PS1. As I have nothing to contribute to a discussion of that sort, what I have actually decided to do is make my own 'blog idea generator' which can be used as a universal tool for writers everywhere. Or perhaps just me. And maybe not even that.
STEP ONE: Pick the flower correspending to your month of birth from the list below:-
January: Tulip
February: Primrose
March: Rose
April: Buttercup
May: Daisy
June: Hyacinth
July: Tulip
August: Primrose
September: Rose
October: Buttercup
November: Daisy
December: Hyacinth
STEP TWO: Add to the date of your birth the numbers as per the list below:-
(e.g. if your birthday is the 13th August then your flower is the primrose so you add 13 to 12 = 25)
Tulip: 100
Primrose: 12
Rose: 234
Buttercup: 3
Daisy: 24
Hyacinth: 89
STEP THREE: Sing the National Anthem loudly.
STEP FOUR: Step three was a trick, you can stop singing now!
STEP FIVE: Grab the book nearest to you and flick to the page number generated by step two (in the example this is page 25)
STEP SIX: The last word on the page is your topic for discussion.
Right, now I am going to follow my own advice (I'm not joshing you, I actually just made that system up now on the spot) and then we'll see what topic I get! Ooooh the excitement. Okay so....Hyacinth right...106...GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS QUEEN! Oh - hahahahahaha- trick! And (drum roll please...) the topic for discussion is rain!
Weather. How predictable. I mean the topic, not the weather. Actually the weather is pretty predictable. There's a whole television programme about it. What's that called again? Oh yes, the weather forecast. Well....I can't fault the blog idea generator as I did invent the system so I'd best get cracking with it!
It always rains when you go to the hairdressers doesn't it? I've actually gone to the touble of buying an umbrella directly on the way to the hairdressers before, although I did have a tip off in the form of some very dark clouds in the sky. I can deal with the rain though, as long as it's not too windy, my real problem with the hairdressers is not the post-new-hair-being-rained-on disappointment once I'm home and I see the state it's in (what was the point in ghds?) but rather the shampooing. It's like being a sheep (do they get shampooed? No, I think I might be thinking of shearing...) Anyway, last time I was ushered into the little shampoo section and they must have got a new system in place because, much to my horror, upon the sight of my vertically challenged nature, the hairdresser placed a booster seat (!) upon the chair I was about to sit on (I kid you not!) If this wasn't undignifying enough I then came to the horrible realisation that, as a small person, I'd been missing out on a special form of torture reserved for the average-height hairdressee (that's a word, yes?) Basically, when I lean back into the basin that is for hair-washing I normally feel very comfortable and actually quite enjoy having someone else partake in the arduous task of washing my hair. But what I've found out is that at normal height (i.e if you are of an average height, or a small person sitting on a booster seat because the hairdresser made you) then leaning back into a basin is not only torture, but completley unnatural. Suddenly the gap in the basin was touching a part of my neck which no-one should ever have to rest the whole weight of their head upon. I thought I'd accidentally stepped into a Chinese torture room. Whilst the hairdresser busied herself putting product in my hair and saying "I think I'll get the shampoo for sensitive skin because you have a dry scalp." (yes, thank-you very much for yet another insult...) I was trying to distract myself from the pain in my neck which endured for the entire shampooing and conditioning process by beating my thigh repeatedly with my right hand. I imagine this made me look like some sort of demented, tribal, warrior woman, but desperate times and desperate measures and all that.
So, can someone else, of an average height, please confirm that the basins cut into one's neck in exactly the wrong place? Next time I go I will, of course, wear six inch heels and avoid the booster seat altogether.
Oh look, that wasn't about rain at all, was it? Oh well...
(PS if you would like to use my blog idea generator please feel free. It's also fun to put the 'topic' as your Facebook status - although 'rain' would be a rather boring Facebook status I imagine 'Soz', 'ham' or 'FAT' would be rather fun (I just picked those words out of the book beside me) Anyway, just use it how you see fit)
