Shouldn't have gone to Specsavers...

Sometimes I don't know where I'm going, I don't particularly know how I'll get there, and I don't exactly know how to survive until the next day. Much like my glasses fog up when I come in from the cold, much like they blur my vision when splattered with rain, both the good and the bad affect my vision of the future. It's all very well saying that the future is the future, live in the here and now, and praising the power of positive thinking...when in reality I'm home alone, I can't see past my next cup of tea, and I'm practically freaking out.

I don't doubt that the world is a beautiful place, I don't doubt I'll get where I need to be in the end, and I certainly don't doubt that the mystery can be, and often is, exciting. Rather, I doubt myself when uncertainity looms.

How did I dodge these obstacles in the past? Why do I feel I have to prove myself at every turn in the road I'm taking? Why does this matter so much now, when it was just another hum drum part of life before?

I guess because what I want to do is take my glasses off, and I've only just realised how crucial this is. If you'll allow the metaphor, this is really quite hard to do. I can't see much without them, only those things close to me. I have to let others guide me, I have to be trusting. I have to make decisions based on what I know, not on what I imagine things to be - those blurry lines and colours in the distance. It takes courage to take off your glasses, to stop relying on your mind's image of what your future will, could or should be. It's important though.

Without my glasses, that shadow up ahead becomes a ghost of the past, haunting me. Without my glasses, the jacket hanging on my door is a person with a scowl, looming. Without my glasses, that glorious view at the top of the mountain I'm climbing is nothing more than a collection of foggy clouds and moving lights. I'm not reaping the benefit of my own journey. I'm not doing anything for others, I'm too selfishly obsessed with my own personal well being in that image of the future I'll never quite make out.

Just because you can't see what's in the distance, doesn't mean it's not there. Stop imagining what that shadow is, take your glasses off and look around you. Look, there's a cup of tea. Drink it, relax, enjoy the ride.

This Cold...

This cold gets in your veins
seeps through your skin
creeps
keeps
frozen jolting beats
constant, dripping pain.

When it burns
you come to learn
that this cold is taking turns
not a parallel
or chiming bell
but a sudden glimpse
of what-the-hell?

Red cheeks
swollen face
iced up hair and lashes
doubled up people
fast feet, mad dashes.

Inside an emptiness is real, won't be heated.
Blood won't get pumping and disturb the pain.
You need to move or it won't be defeated
and the stubborn snow won't sleet into rain.

When it fades
you think it was made
up in your mind, you look away
snow never fell
you just can't tell
when waters run
oh what-the-hell!

Red cheeks
sweating spring
tied back hair and skirts
laid back daze
fickle feet, seasoned play.

This cold gets in your veins
seeps through your skin
creeps
keeps
frozen jolting beats
constant, dripping pain.